Rules of the Road

When I said I was going to the Middle East, there was a bit of an outcry from friends and family. Understandable, I guess, but now that I'm here, I can tell you that the greatest threat I face is not terrorism, but basic car safety. I'm not driving - I wouldn't dare - but I'm doing a lot of riding. Here's a primer:

The first rule for driving in Amman is there are no rules. If you need more guidance than that, gentle reader, please continue.

RULE 2: Lanes are marked on some streets and not on others, but mashalhal (It's nothing). Either way, completely disregard any attempt for order. Pick a lane or don’t. Drive three-wide or six; it matters not.

RULE 3: There seems to be no Arabic translation for the term “Right of Way.” Just as in geopolitics, whoever can hold the road owns it.

RULE 4: Pedestrians beware, and while I have your attention, Get the hell out of the road!!! Which leads me to hemse, or number 5.

RULE 5: Should you be driving and come upon a grandmother and her eight grandchildren (ages 3-25) walking in the middle of the road, kindly slow down a modicum, honk your horn and hope that you don’t take out half of them as they nonchalantly shuffle to the side.

RULE 6: Don’t wear your seat belt. You will not crash into that cab that just slammed on its breaks three inches in front of your car, and you won’t break your skull open like a coocunt when you fly through the windshield and onto the pavement…inshallah (God willing).