Leaving the District

Things I will not miss about Washington D.C.:
1. Our crappy house and everything that goes along with it (i.e. the room-sharing; the shower that now issues nothing but a trickle; the rug that smells like urine; the couch that smells like urine; the unused toilet (in the bathroom off our shared room) that smells like urine; the sunroom stacked with worthless junk that someone crazy feels the need to keep; and last but most certainly not least, the sociopath landlady that lives in the basement with her two mangy dogs, who turns of the air conditioner just whenever it suits her, who has to unplug her refrigerator to plug in her microwave, who lets her mail stack up on the steps outside her door for a month before picking it up, who insists we contact her via text message, whose voicemail - if you should call - is FULL, who is married to a husband we have never seen and has several "handymen" in and out on a regular basis.

2. The metro. It is not easy; it is confusing. It is not clean; it is disgusting and hot. It is not cheap; it is expensive. It is not convenient; it doesn't go half the places you need or want to go.

3. The ghetto Safeway. You saw the escalator to nowhere. Need I say more?

4. The ghetto CVS. See above.

5. The spin. How hard can it be to answer a question one way or another? Impossible, apparently. Also difficult to speak in plain English and say how you really feel.

6. Free taco Friday at the National Press Club. Stale tacos, cheap beer and a smokey bar - not my cup o' tea.

7. Writing for a newspaper in NW Missouri.

8. The heat. Oh my god the heat.

9. The JFHQ-NCR. Don't ask.

10. Things falling apart.

11. Living in a house with four women.


I could go on, but I'll stop there. I will miss a few things. They follow.

Things I will miss about Washington, D.C.:
1. The fab-u-lous deli around the corner from the newsroom. I know it only as Phillips. The meat is carved in front of your very eyes, and all the toppings are fresh. I've never had a better roast beef sandwich. Mmmmmmmmmmmm, yum.

2. Free breakfast at the press club with Shayna.

3. The sherbert-colored cat that lives on my street. I met him when I ventured boldly onto his porch whilst he was reclining. We parted rather poignantly night before last after he padded over to me and I gave him a farewell rub.

4. Living in a house with four women.

That's it, I think. I can't wait to leave. Will be back in the glorious Bluegrass tomorrow. Can't wait.